Oh, is she the one?

Haha, the silly things I do while at school…I reflect on my actions and I try to find things that I could work on, improve, or simply change for the good and so far everything has been spectacular I might say. I’ve shaped myself into a better person and I know that’s a fact. Now there are some more things I need to work on but that will come eventually. Step by step I’ll reach the next level.

Back on topic, while at school me and Steven would have breakfast with Rhun during the hour break we had after the 8AM class. I came up with this idea, “Let’s play a game that involves scoring with chicks?” Of course the rule is you get her number, talk to her, get her name, points and props go to you. Unfortunately, we were all being Bitch Ass Niggas, for short (BAN). LOL, I already knew what was going on and it wasn’t heading no where. We all had the “bitch butterflies” and every time we saw a girl sitting by herself, we would always make an excuse. We would say, “She’s cute,” or she’s “talking on the phone.” Stuff like that, you get what I’m saying?

So just recently, I told myself what is there to lose. If you see a girl you like just go for it and talk to her. Worst thing that could happen is you get rejected or she’s just not interested. Simply as that, I told Steven let’s play the game now. He’s like alright! So we point out our designated girl and Steven told me to go first. We got up the same time and I approached some girl and did my thing.

I had that boost of confidence and as I was walking I bumped into chairs and almost stumbled. I saw her smile so I just went for it. That leap of faith. I got up to her, took a seat and politely said, “Excuse me, I thought you were really cute and had to talk to you.” I asked her name and greeted myself. After this moment I’m like SHIT what do I say..I asked her if she was studying for finals and she said Yes. So I apologized and said, “sorry for bothering you and I said I’d like to talk to you sometime what is your number?”

I checked my pocket to pull out my phone and it was in my jacket all the way at the other damn TABLE!!!! >_< From there was when I crashed, I got ridiculously nervous and once I got back, I kind of choked up LOL. I told her sorry I’m nervous, and she was like me to… From there she asked me my name and number which was written on one of her power point notes.

So it’s been a few days and she hasn’t called me nor texted me. I guess she only asked me for my number to get over the nervousness I have caused lol. Oh well, lesson learned, there are plenty of fish in the sea. The trouble I go through to getting a girls number has not been successful since I’ve tried and ran into girls who have boyfriends. I guess I got rejected in a kind of a nice way? lol.

I found out that Steven didn’t approach the girl, he ended up walking to the bathroom. Bitch Butterflies at its best. Hahahahha..!

Well, better luck next time!

I used to be motivated from the start and finishing all of my work on time.As time progressed I started falling apart piece by piece. Passing in late assignments, stressing out, failing classes because life threw me a curve ball I couldn’t hit. Once I dug myself out of the hole everything was back to normal and my grades were up to par.

Now I’m in my third year of college with a declared concentration and that spark of motivation is just not kicking in any more. I ask myself now, “Did I make the right decision with Computer Science? I should of went to a different school and studies Astronomy.” I’m this far now and I know there’s no turning back I just need to finish what I started. I’m 100% sure that there are other college kids out there who are in my position and who may even have it worse than me. I guess I should be proud of the work I have accomplished? I seek for more benefits but I just can’t push myself anymore, which confuses me to hell. This semester is almost over I really need to find that key to unlock the cage I am in right now.

I just can’t find that motive that was within me when college began. I feel like my goals are drifting away and I can’t catch them anymore. I know it’s not to late and no way in hell am I failing this semester. Overall, I’m doing well above average but I have like 2-3 late assignments for one class, which is for my computer science course. And I also have these programming projects that are still incomplete. Now that’s another story lol.

Words of advice: What I can say is work your ass off, study, read, discover your potential and work at it. These words are my own and I wish somebody had pushed me to work harder and spend more time focusing in school. Yeah my family told me to do good in school and work hard, but that wasn’t enough….Now that I finally realized what I had to go through and the position I am in now, everything was learned the hard way.

Even though I started with a 3.6 GPA doesn’t mean that it will be the same forever. Overtime we do lose that spark within ourselves and it’s very difficult to just land on your feet again or dig yourself out of a hole.

I thought it was all easy up until now. Where oh where has my motivation gone off to?

There’s still something I’m missing…only time will tell.

Things I write and Things I do

For that one girl out there, this is for you.

10 sweet things I’ll do for you:

1. I’ll bring you fresh picked flowers I stole from someone’s yard.

2. I’d watch a chick-flick and pour my tears out without a doubt.

3. I’ll be the man to bring her ice-skating for the first time.

4. I’ll bring her on long walks alongside of the beach just holding her hands knowing that she’s all mine.

5. I’d sing her song even though my singing is not all that great.

6. I’ll even cheer you up if you’re feeling down.

7. I’ll push that extra mile just to see your face.

8. I’m a nerd at heart and superman standing by your side.

9. I’ll make you soup from scratch that will chase away all the bugs.

10. I’ll be there by your side when you need me most.

All of this for the first time. Now that’s what I call love.

It’s been a very, very, very long time since I have ever typed up anything on tumblr. Let’s see, where could I start?

I’m doing fairly good in school besides a new miss-haps due to procrastination and laziness. All seems well with what I am doing right now. I’ve been spending more time with friends from school and meeting new ones along the way. Once thing I noticed was, when it comes to seeking help, do it as soon as possible not at the very last minute. Even though it feels like I can do everything on my own it stops me from asking others for help. It’s been hurting me academically and I need to change that because we can’t always be independent right?

As for relationship-wise, there hasn’t been a girl whom I’ve yet poured my heart out to. I have not been making progress lately, because it seems like all the girls I asked out have a boyfriend already. Also, there are tons of girls out there but I’m just to shy many times and I don’t have the courage to man up and talk to them. I have the confidence but I’m just missing the key to actually just talk to some random girl I may find attractive. Well, I’m going to have to try harder and find that special girl, I know she’s out there somewhere. I’ll keep this topic posted and I’ll be sure to write about my results and outcomes.

I’m getting to the point to actually finding a girlfriend, because when I was young, wild and free (still am, lol), I told myself “I don’t need a girlfriend cuz I got my friends.” With this mindset, I have not dated any women nor had a girlfriend. As of now, I’m sick of my buddies and I need somebody to hold, love and cherish with all my heart.

Now that I’m older and attending college, I feel that I need to get in the dating scene because this is a good time to experience and find who the right girl is. It’s time to man up and go on my first date…!!

Motivation HIT me HARD —INSPIRED!

After my day was over, yeah that 8AM - 4PM Tuesday Schedule. I rushed to Marshalls to pick up some new dress pants since I wanted to look fresh, yah dig? Really, I didn’t want to iron my pants that were hanging in my closet at home. So it was about 5’oclock and I got ready as fast as I can. I’m talking about getting my tie ready around my neck, dress shirt tucked nice and snug and shoes within 10 minutes. Now that’s a freaking record. On this day I was on caffeine and that energy shot I took in the morning. HOLY SHIT this was like a thrill rush everything was pulsing based on the beats of my heart. It was insane lol, never again shall I try that combination.

Back to the story, got home and got ready and the scholarship reception started at 6PM. Left the house at 5:30, got lost for almost an additional 20-30 minutes. FUCKKK, got to the Danversport Yacht Club and it was pretty nice. It was like a huge ball room and everybody was seated and I got there sooo late, like atleast 40 minutes late when everybody was like almost done eating. Not only that I had a small stain on my favorite dress shirt. LAJSLFJS!! Thought everything was going bad, until that moment I was called up to the room and shook hands with the President of the school. Everything went smooth sailing after that.

As all the recipients were asked to stand up, we all received a huge round of applause. I’m not sure what the speakers were saying up on the podium but that and today has inspired me to stay motivated and work hard!!!!

I thought this was going to be a bad and horrrrribleeee day but overall I learned something very important. As difficult as the position I may be standing in, I can still turn it around and regain myself from the mistakes I made in the past.

Where am I, lost in another world?

The past week or maybe even two weeks I have not been feeling motivated or inspired by anything. I use to be on top of my game, banging out assignments left and right. Now, it’s like everything is floating somewhere in the clouds, I’m either day dreaming, thinking about stuff and just wondering what am I doing wrong? I’m completing my assignments late, I’m not focusing on studying. I don’t know what it is….?

You know, I should be feeling motivated because I was granted a $1500 scholarship and I’m attending a scholarship reception at the Danversport Yacht Club. Now that’s something I should be proud of. To be honest, I don’t feel proud of that, it doesn’t even feel like an accomplishment worthwhile.

See that’s the thing, I’m not proud of what I accomplished because I feel like it’s not enough. I know I can do better but I feel like it may be to late to change all of that. I need that MOTIVATION and that MORAL to boost me from where I started. I just don’t know why I am not having that feeling knowing I accomplished something.

It’s like I’m hungry for more, this is not enough for me. It’s not feeding me well and it’s just forcing me to find something more, bigger and better out there. I’m starting to feel like school is just not for me. I use to speak of how I love school and I’d like to be here all day focusing on my work. From what I remember I have not spoken in that kind of happy tone for awhile. Maybe it’s because I’m stressed or depressed knowing that I am not good enough for anything. I look back and I tell myself why couldn’t I’ve been motivated, how the hell did I earn those A’s freshmen year. Why am I putting myself down, I’m better than that. I feel like everybody out there is doing better than me and struggling just to make it out alive. I’m here whining and complaining saying I can’t do anything right now. I need to push myself and I’m not sure how.

It was that burst of energy flowing through me, I even told myself this is it. Time to do it big, work hard, focus and study. All of that prep talk has got me far, but I’m slowly losing it. I’m in my junior year of college and this is how I’m feeling. I don’t even know if I could even get through with A’s and B’s this semester. I need somebody to pull me out of that holy I dug and brush me off so I can walk with my head held high.

Motheffin assholes, I know you’re reading this  Vera and Giang. Y’all are fucking Mr. and Mrs. Captain fuck up. You know that.

I have 0 love for what you did.

So I end up trying to watch over for my friends back and out of no where I am tossed over a cliff because I’m to serious. Life is a serious thing for me and there’s no changing that. I definitely get carried away in these online conversations, I’m better off speaking in person because it’s easier to distinguish sarcasm or if a person is really being serious. Knowing that, my friends bullshitted me big time. Assholes, and they’re going to pay for it.

Captain fuckups’ is what you guys are.

Redunkulous Stories

1. Mistaken a man for this girls father. Found out that he was her ex-boyfriend.

2. Mistaken girls for somebody who I know, it has happened to often. :S

3. Showing my Shaws card at the CVS attached to my keychain.

4. Throwing up, being under the influenced, dancing, eating to much. RAGE! (bowl, box, hands, bag, mug). You get the point.

5. Blacking out after falling asleep and sleep walking after that.

6. That 6 year relationship with that chick and some dude. I’m like DAMNNNN!

7. Tricked into signing up for a dating site, girl gives me number, facebook, pours her self onto me and 2 days later I forget about her without giving her a chance.

8. Wasted those precious high school years with Counter-Strike. Devoted, Dedication, GO PRO, CPL. Yep….Go Hard, Go Pro, GO CPL.

9. About how easy I fall deeply in love with girls I meet, especially white girls. Hey,what can I say! I am surrounded by them all the time.

10. Failed two classes / to much stress = DUM DUM DUM, WARNING!

That awkward moment when you’re trying just a little too hard to impress someone