I have this feeling deep down inside and it’s carrying a huge load on my chest. I’ve been having a great time at school and even though I only have 1 or 3 classes a day, I don’t leave campus till I know I’m completely done with what I have to do there.
I’m only writing for myself because it’s a way to get things off my mind and I don’t have to deal with criticism and ideas because I always think I’m right in my own mind, but there’s always different views and perspectives I can appreciate.
Let’s see, I’m definitely going through this phase of crushing on a girl but this time it was because I spent a lot of time with her over the summer. She was not just one of those girls who I’ve “fallen in love with.” lol, things can be rediculous at times, but she was more than that…
I’m not sure if I was in love but I definitely enjoyed her company around me and seeing her would just brighten up my day. Maybe we had something together, which was what I thought. I had a feeling this would happen when school started. Not seeing her throughout the week feels like I’m missing that sunshine in my life and I can’t stand it anymore.
Well, I’ve tried asking her to lunch once and even offered her an opportunity to go to this concert with me. I could understand she’s a really busy girl, but when do I stop trying? I’m pretty sure she knows what my intentions are. Fuck, why does it have to be so difficult? I only text her once every few days cuz, I’m pretty sure it’s annoying when somebody keeps constantly texting you. I respect her space and that’s how it’s going to be. I should just cut the chase and get right to the point.
I think I’m done investing time and it’s time to move on.
Throughout this whole month of June, I had the time of my life and I definitely made the right decision working as a Orientation Navigator at school for freshmen students. At first I wasn’t quite sure what to expect and I was challenging myself to be outside of my comfort zone.
In a matter of two weeks working as a Navigator I never thought I’d be so close to the other people I work with. For once it was a change, I wasn’t with my close friends from home instead, I made close friends away from home. Even though some of us went home for the weekend and came back the next day it seemed like forever as if we didn’t see each other. Yeah, that’s how much love we have for one another and it may be even more than that. Who knows?
As of now, all of the Navi’s are on break until August. I know it’s going to be an emotional roller coaster ride but we all come and go. I just don’t want all that time we spent together go to waste as in not staying in contact with one another and parting our ways once we return to school. But what can you say, I have to let go of things and continue on experiencing and exploring life as if it’s a never ending road. Or could it be a ever long-friendship? Only time will tell.
The progress of success.
After seeing success within other people lives, I wonder how does one accomplish such a task, a challenge, a mission to succeed?
Well, I want that feeling of success and I figured out that I just lost that spark I once had a few years ago. My goal is to graduate with Cum Laude and finish this upcoming fall semester on the deans list. The spark that I once had has been bothering me ever since and I just can’t wait to get back to school. I don’t want the socializing aspect out of my life, but I’m going to be spending tons and tons of hours in the library just to pull off my best and one of the last semester’s in college. I was once that average student in the past, but I’m going to prove myself and push even if it comes down to not talking to friends and working many hours just to earn money.
Also for this summer, I want to at least find some sort of internship. First of all, I want to schedule a meeting with CSO so I could clean up my resume and from there on it’s job hunting.
Time to get myself out there and prove to myself that “I did it!”
Also, I’d like to start exercising again, mountain biking, basketball, running around and all sorts of stuff that would keep me from sitting down. I don’t need to be ripped or diesel just to look good. I just want to maintain my weight.
Browsing through old “love” posts
"What love does to me.
I really do have feelings for this one girl, she has been on my mind ever since. So what is it that really attracts me to her? Simply, her hair is something I can’t describe, it’s nothing crazy but there’s something about it that just gets me hooked to her. I wish I could describe exactly on how it looks but it’s not curly nor straight and it’s like layered I think. She has a cute little smile that would lighten my day up. Her eyes are something I can’t seem to get away from and her voice is like music to my ears. She’s simply amazing and the fact that she’s very intelligent and a nursing major I just know she’s a hard worker from the start. I’d like to ask her to hang out or a date to the carnival, but as usual, I fear of rejection. Would it be me or the fact that there are other things going on with her life just in case that happened? So what happens if she has a boyfriend? Haha, I hope not because that will give me another reason to seek out another girl whom I’ve yet to encounter. Almost everyday now, I have butterflies in my stomach and my heart feels so damn heavy as if I’m in heaven. Could this be love? Well, I sure feel it. It could be to good to be true with this one special girl who I admire the most with all my heart.”
Haha, I laugh at this now and this was the first girl I’ve ever tried asking out in my life. This is something I could talk about, one of my favorite stories of me catching the butterflies. Yeah, I found out she had a boyfriend so there it was. I wasted time and energy trying to get that motivation to ask her out.
Five Years of Growing
That girl who you can’t get enough of.
I figured out that the more I wrote the more things I was able to accomplish. Since it’s gearing towards the end of the semester I’m in this same position as if it was Spring of 2010. When the weather is warm out, beautiful college girls everywhere and that one girl in my class who caught my attention.
Since it’s 2012, I have fallen for this one girl, damn-it. Not again, lol. I know that feeling and it’s happening again. The butterflies in my stomach every time I see her, just hearing her voice makes me melt inside. She’s one of the few girls I’ve been really attracted to. Yeah, it’s been a while.
Today my geology professor handed back the exams and the scores were disappointing. He said “these are the worst exam scores ever since 5 years of the class.” OUCH!!! Yep, he was not in a good mood.
During lab the class had to walk towards Forest River Park to learn about igneous rocks. As we are walking, I’m always having fun where ever I go and I joke around with my professor saying, “”Don’t cross the road Doug, the light says DO NOT CROSS!!”
He said, “Thanks for watching my back Peter, even after what happened this morning.” Yeah he lectured us, bleh bleh bleh and gave us a chance to correct our exams and turn them back in for half credit. WORD!!
I tell him, “Don’t worry, I got your back because I keep it real out here” and he appreciates what I tell him. I felt good after that.
All of a sudden I see that girl whom I’m writing about, turn her head back, smiling as she made eye contact with me. Yep she did it again down the road. I’m a sucker for not trying to talk to her, but look this is during class time, surrounded by all my other classmates. I want to approach her after class and time is running short. Time to man up and try to get what I want.
Back to writing about school even though the semester is over. I plan on reflecting what I did this semester / year and better myself for the next. This fall of 2011 has been a bit iffy. Half way through the semester I lost all my motivation whatsoever. I was unstoppable to begin with until the end.
Seems like I just went off track and fell off the road.
So here are the things I’m going to work on throughout next year:
- Work at the Computer Lab at school
- Sit my ass down and finish all work ahead of time / before deadline
- Ask questions and study hard before hand
- Focus on developing better ties with other students
- Little to NO Procrastination
- Last of all be on top of all my shit, such as organizational skills, speaking, etc…
Doesn’t seem like much, but I know this will affect me greatly throughout my academic career.
In the mean time, I’m TOTALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO MY SPRING SEMESTER!! Cute college girls in their Spring outfits, sun dresses, short shorts…lol you name it. If only I could tell all of them how cute, adorable, pretty, stunning they look. I would, and I think I should. Besides that, I’m also taking REGULAR CLASSES!!! Time to step away from a computer for once and a bunch of dudes as a computer science major. :)